When parents separate, children are often at the centre of the decisions being made. Where they will live, how much time they will spend with each parent, schooling, holidays and day to day routines can all have a direct impact on their lives.

Child inclusive mediation gives children an opportunity to have their voice heard in a safe, appropriate and carefully managed way.

At southgate solicitors, we understand how difficult it can be for parents to make decisions about children after separation. Our team can help you understand whether child inclusive mediation may be suitable for your family and how it can support constructive discussions about your child’s arrangements.

What is child inclusive mediation?

Child inclusive mediation, sometimes called CIM, is a form of family mediation where a child is given the opportunity to speak privately with a specially trained mediator.

The child does not attend the parents’ mediation session and is not asked to make decisions. Instead, the child is given a safe space to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with an impartial professional.

The purpose of child inclusive mediation is not to put pressure on the child or ask them to choose between parents. It is to help parents better understand their child’s perspective so that decisions can be made with the child’s welfare and emotional needs in mind.

How does child inclusive mediation work?

Child inclusive mediation is voluntary. Both parents must agree to the child being invited to take part, and the child must also be willing to participate.

The mediator will usually speak to the parents first to assess whether child inclusive mediation is suitable. If it is appropriate, the child may then be invited to meet with the mediator separately.

The meeting is usually informal, child focused and confidential. The child can talk about what matters to them, what they may be finding difficult, and what they would like their parents to understand.

The child remains in control of what is shared with the parents, unless there is a safeguarding concern. The mediator will not simply report everything back. Instead, the mediator will help the child decide what, if anything, they would like communicated to their parents.

Why consider child inclusive mediation?

Children can sometimes find it difficult to talk openly to their parents during separation. They may worry about upsetting one parent, taking sides, or saying something that makes the situation worse.

Child inclusive mediation can help by giving the child a neutral space to speak freely.

It can help parents:

Understand how their child is feeling

Focus discussions around the child’s needs

Reduce misunderstandings between parents

Consider arrangements from the child’s perspective

Make more child focused decisions

Avoid placing the child in the middle of parental conflict

Resolve disagreements without immediately going to court

For some children, simply being invited to share their views can help them feel seen, heard and respected.

Is child inclusive mediation suitable for every family?

Child inclusive mediation is not suitable in every case.

The mediator will consider the child’s age, maturity, emotional wellbeing and the wider family circumstances. Safeguarding issues, domestic abuse, pressure being placed on the child, or high levels of conflict may all affect whether the process is appropriate.

The process must always be handled carefully. Children should never feel responsible for the outcome and should never be made to feel that they are choosing between parents.

Where child inclusive mediation is not suitable, there may be other ways to resolve children matters, including traditional mediation, solicitor negotiation, parenting plans, or court applications where necessary.